


To The Troubled

by muselesswriter



Series: Two Broken Souls [1]
Category: Fear the Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family Issues, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Past Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-17 07:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28845081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muselesswriter/pseuds/muselesswriter
Summary: Nick was doing his best to recover at the new institution, from his addiction and his family life, things were not looking so promising until a handsome stranger named Troy walks into the room and now Nick can think beyond tomorrow.
Relationships: Alicia Clark & Nick Clark, Jake Otto & Troy Otto, Madison Clark & Nick Clark, Nick Clark & Troy Otto, Nick Clark/Troy Otto
Series: Two Broken Souls [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2115132
Comments: 14
Kudos: 21





	1. The Strangers

He doesn’t remember when he came to the institution first, it’s been a while, and they had a strict rule about not bothering the patients with dates and periods, not that he minded though, Nick was glad for what the institution offered, safety, food, a good bed and the best part is his mother has to keep up her good act whenever she visits him.

Every day was the same, he’d wake up in the morning, get breakfast, have an hour for daily reading where Nick usually picks a book about chemistry or herbs, sometimes novels if he's in the mood, he enjoyed reading and that's an obvious fact, then he’d go to a private session of therapy where the shrink would keep telling him that he must stay strong, that his mother did him wrong and that it wasn’t his fault that his father died, he was used to it by now.

Next, they’d watch TV and have an hour to socialize which he spends looking out of the window unless someone talks to him, Nick used to be such an extrovert before his mother started drinking like crazy! When the abuse started he closed to himself, he’s trying to get that part of him back though, later comes lunch and then it’s group therapy where they talk about what they thought of their private sessions and their current thoughts, there’s a group for each; children of abusive households, addicts- Nick was in both, and many others.

Later it’s a free period until dinner time, they’d do whatever they want to do, Nick would usually finish reading his book, maybe listen to music or talk to Gloria, she was kind of his friend, she’s bipolar though, sometimes she liked to hang out with him and fill his life with the most interesting stories about her super-rich parents and their adventures, but when she isn’t then he’s all alone, she found a way around taking her meds, so the second part happens more than Nick would like.

This place is different, it’s not like any institution he’s ever been, apparently, it’s for rich people and those who the government failed, it was quite difficult for Nick to get in, Travis’s ex-wife had to pull some strings to get him a spot, they didn’t believe in days so he had no idea when he came and how long he’s been there, he stopped counting, part of him didn't want to get out, he didn’t want to be with his mother anymore.

He sat quietly in the group therapy, listening to everyone go through their stories as if it was something new, he memorized each story by heart now, Joe who’s dad hit him once for yelling at his mother, silent Eddie who never speaks in meetings, cool Linda who had similar struggles to his and lastly, Suzie who goes on and on about her life and thoughts, he zoned out of the meeting quicker than the therapist said “hello everyone” he thought of the visits day, he thought of seeing Alicia, his little sister who looks at him as if he’s nothing but a pathetic loser - which he was or so he thinks.

Alicia used to think of him as her hero once, adapting to the change of their dynamic was all he could do now, he knew it will never be the same between them, then he had his mother and Travis, Travis was cool, he was nice to him, often supported him, he even believed that Nick can actually recover from his addiction, he was clueless to why he started getting high, and his mother would never hit him in front of him, even her drinking habits changed when he was there, Chris sometimes visits, Chris is his stepbrother, they aren’t close but they bonded over their dislike of their family.

It was his mother who he worried about so much, their relationship was so toxic, she’s the reason why he started using to reduce the stress, they had a little game though, where she’d kick him out of the house when she finds drugs in his room, next she would go search for him a week later, she’d beg and cry so he’s left with no choice but return home, she’d send him to a rehab and he’d recover, for a bit, then she’d start making him feel like shit for wasting her money until he starts using again, and lastly, it’s the shouting and the beating until she kicks him out again, and the circle goes on and on.

_“Nick?”_ he heard the feminine voice call him, one that he recognized so well, Dr Winston, the group therapist, he snapped out of his thoughts and looked at her blinking “ _hm_?” Suzie groaned _“of course you don’t know what’s going on! You always do that! oh my god, it’s like you don’t even care about what we have to say!”_ Nick rolled his eyes _“Jesus Susan, chill a bit, I’m not the boyfriend who dumped you in the middle of the night and kicked you out! Give me a break”_ he clapped back, and just when she was about to start again the therapist cleared her throat. 

_“Guys, we can’t have this every meeting! Each has a turn to speak, and if the others choose to listen or think about something it’s up to them”_ the older woman said tiredly, Suzie glared at him and never said a word after, well, besides the fake coughed asshole she did, causing both Nick and Dr Winston to share a look _“anyway… how’s your session today? Do you have anything to share?”_ he shrugged, taking a moment to think _“I… heard my therapist say that I was doing well, I think he will release me soon”_ he said, his hands moving everywhere as if it would somehow make him less stressed.

_“And how’s that making you feel?”_ he laughed, terrified, anxious, disconcerted, nervous? He didn’t know the right feeling exactly, it was too much _“uh… scared? I just… I’ve done it for so long, I only see two ways how that would go, and both lead to the same shit”_ he groaned, Dr Winston was saying something when a new man walked in, who looked like a lost dog, Nick guessed he was new to this, they all have the same frightened look on their face, he saw it almost on everyone who walked here, it wasn’t the case with him though Gloria said he looked like he’s so done when he walked through the door.

He must’ve been staring for a while because when he turned his attention back to the group they were all staring at the 6 feet something white boy, the blond looked around terrified until Dr Winston raised her hand for him, he walked to the group and quietly sat on the empty seat _“guys, this is Troy, he’s new here, Troy those are Eddie, Joe, Nick, Suzie and Linda, Nick was just telling us about his session earlier”_ she gave him the friendliest smile. 

They all turned their attention back to Nick _“what makes you scared the most?”_ he pouted, uneased, he wasn’t expecting a new guy, and now he’s supposed to share his life with him while he knows nothing about him, besides that he’s messed up somehow _“my mom… I don’t want to go back to her but the rules say I must stay with a relative and my dad’s gone so…”_ he swallowed thickly, looking at both hands.

Dr Winston was about to say something when Suzie raised her hand, the woman sighed _“yes Suzie?”_ the perky blond girl with pixie hair cut smiled _“I just felt something about an old memory that I want to share”_ the doctor leaned further into her chair “ _you had your turn, Suzie, now it’s Nick’s”_ but the woman protested, Nick whoever interrupted _“it’s fine, I have nothing to say anymore”_ He lied, or maybe he didn’t, he just didn’t feel like talking anymore and for the first time, Nick was thankful for Suzie being Suzie.

Suzie beamed in excitement, she started talking about the one time her dad refused to give her money to buy a new iPhone so she got upset and slept with his best friend after drugging him as payback, and how her father slapped her for it, Nick disliked Suzie, she always claimed that she was a child of abuse but the more she talks the more he pities her parents, who’d drug a 50 something years old man and fuck him then get upset when their dad reacts the way he did? 

And his dislike of her grew when he learned that those sessions weren’t mandatory for her like the rest of them, she and Joe signed up for it, and they both like to pretend that they’ve been abused while Joe was barely slapped once lightly to be brought back to his senses and Suzie, she only does what she does to seem more interesting, people like that are the reason why no one believes abuse victims anymore, both were spoiled rotten and had no business being in the group besides wasting everyone's time, or so the recovering drugs addict thought. 

Her little story was interrupted by the sound of rising sobs, they all shared a confused look until they realized it came from the new one _“see? New guy gets it!”_ Suzie threw her arms in the air victoriously _“shut up Susan”_ Nick mumbled, Dr Winston told them to stay calm and give him some space, she calmly explained that Troy sometimes has uncontrollable breakdowns and it’s not because of something they did or said.

It’s been ten minutes and the crying only worsened, Nick was too frustrated, he wasn’t going to sit and watched anymore, he got up from his chair and knelt in front of Troy _“Troy, right?”_ He asked, the blond nodded, this was good, he was responsive, aware of his surroundings _“do you wanna get the fuck out of here? There’s a pretty garden outside, you can catch a breath”_ Troy nodded again, His tears streaming down his cheek like waterfalls. 

The brunette got up and offered him a hand which he took after too much time spent freaking out about it “ _Nick_ …” Dr Winston said _“it’s okay, I’ve dealt with it with Alicia”_ he assured her, she sighed and gave him an approving look before the two disappeared, they gave them weird looks as they walked to the garden, Troy isn’t being shy about crying, and it was obvious that he was struggling with keeping it down.

They sat on a bench far from the others, the blond almost instantly curled into himself and cried his eyes out _“I lied, I never dealt with it with Alicia, I just didn’t want to listen to Suzie anymore”_ Nick spoke after a while, well, Alicia used to cry a lot when their dad passed away but she stopped after a while though it was nothing like Troy _“I guess I wanted a break and I thought you could use one too”_ he added but he earned no response in return, he sighed _“how can I help?”_ He whispered once he finally gave up.

_“You can’t”_ the other mumbled between the sobs, even though the tears stopped but he was still heaving and shaking, Nick just waited it out until Troy finally calmed down, it took him almost an hour, he hid his face into his knees, too embarrassed to look _“I’m Nick Clark”_ He started again _“Troy Otto”_ the blond whispered drained, Nick nodded “ _do you want to go back inside?”_ He slowly shook his head “ _is it-“_ he gasped “ _is it okay if we just talk?_ ” Nick nodded. 

_“What do you wanna talk about?”_ The brunette asked _“anything, normal stuff”_ Troy desperately wanted to feel normal, whatever normal felt like _“so… where are you from?”_ Nick asked fidging with his fingers “ _Broke Jaw Ranch… it’s… near Mexican borders”_ a sad fact, Troy didn’t know anything about the state he used to live in, his father never allowed him outside of the Ranch after he was eight, his world became smaller and smaller by years until he wasn’t allowed to leave the basement of his own house “ _you_?”

Nick raised both eyebrows _“Woah that’s a long trip! I’m from El Serano, it’s in LA”_ he explained, guessing Troy had no idea where that was like most people _“my brother lives_ _there_ ” Troy mumbled tiredly _“what brought you here Troy Otto?”_ Nick finally asked, too curious, too disturbed by the silence _“I freaked my brother out, so he thought I’m pathetic and need to be locked away”_ Troy answered, earning a frown _“his words?”_ Troy shook his head “ _how did you freak him out?”_

_“I black out for hours when I’m stressed, and I start screaming when I’m trapped and my crying doesn’t exactly help”_ the blond answered, loosening his grip, finally looking up from his knees “ _you_?” He asked, still not daring to look at Nick in the eyes _“I’m a junkie, and I guess, almost dying when I ran away from home got me a permanent residence here”_ he said, acting like it was nothing but a big joke. 

Troy’s eyes widened, he looked at him, noticing the hair first then his facial features _“you almost died?”_ Nick nodded _“I don’t want to bore you with my shit, you have enough”_ Troy felt his eyes beginning to form tears after a long silence, he desperately looked at Nick as if the shorter one would have an answer _“what do I do?”_ He asked freaked out _“just… tell me a story, anything, I need a distraction...”_ he said as few tears dropped anyway, Nick sighed _“alright, but I’ll warn you… this is not a happy story”_ Nick decided to tell him about how he ended up here, he’d find out eventually so it’s better if he hears from him.

_“I started using when I was 15, my mom’s pretty injurious, my dad’s depressed and he refused help so it made my mom go psycho on me more than Alicia, my baby sister, something about me being a lot like dad”_ he began _“and we have this habit where she kicks me out, she finds me, sends me to rehab, take me home, beat me up, I relapse then I get kicked out, it’s been going on for years and years, and it’s even more exhausting when my dad passed away”_ he paused for a moment, he’s telling too many details, yep, he screwed it up but he can’t go back now!

_“Anyways, last time she came at me with a hammer when she saw a bottle of Vicodin in my room, so I just ran into the street, barefoot, barely wearing my pants, I managed to grab my sister’s tank top, would've looked good on me any other day, I guess I was busy running from the woman who was chasing me with a hammer while getting myself dressed to notice the car in front of me, next thing I knew, I woke up to a hospital’s bed, tied up like I’m in some kinky movie with a cast on my arm and a nasty surgical scar on my belly”_

Troy’s breath calmed surprisingly as he listened to Nick’s tragedy, his tears stopped falling out and he just looked at him with interest, waiting for the next part _“turns out the one who hit me was my stepdad’s ex-wife, she felt guilty and here I’m!”_ He dramatically lifted his arms _“that’s bad”_ Troy whispered _“what about you? What fucked you up?”_

The blond stared at the horizon without blinking as he heard the question, he doesn’t feel like talking about it but Nick just shared his story, he had no choice but to share his too, or else he might lose the only person who seemed to give a damn about him so far.

_“My mom… she was a drunk, dad too”_ he hesitated and took a shaky breath _“I guess it’s my fault… I wasn’t like Jake, couldn’t socialize, made them get called to the principal office, I was a troubled child! So my folks had to punish me a lot, it got too much so they got me out of school, then mom got sick… I looked after her, I did my best but she died and it’s my fault I guess? So dad decided that I needed to learn how to be better before leaving the house, but I kept screwing up until he decided I wasn’t worthy of being in the house, he visited me down the basement though, brought me meals, lights and sometimes books”_ he whispered. 

_“Dad killed himself when the cops raided our Ranch and they made me stay with Jake, guess he couldn’t handle being around me for more than a month, he had to take too many days off to look after me, I failed him too”_ he looked at Nick with teary eyes and the other cursed, he pulled him into his arms while the blond sobbed, cursing himself for not knowing better.

Troy hid into the croak of Nick’s neck as he sobbed, the other couldn’t do anything but whisper soothing things in a desperate hope that it might help, Troy had those crying episodes when he was younger but he stopped when he was twelve, he only started again a month ago when they got him out of that dreadful basement, and Nick suddenly felt responsible for the new guy, he decided to make it his mission to look after him while they're here.

Troy couldn’t calm down until it was almost dinner time, he ate dinner then decided to call it a night, too exhausted by the emotional wreck that he was, once he was gone Nick went to find Dr Winston, she sat in her office running through some papers, he walked in, putting occupied on the door so no one would interrupt then took a seat.

the elderly woman looked at him and offered a genuine smile “ _What brings you here Nicholas?_ ” Nervous as he was, he toyed with his fingers, staying quiet for few minutes before he gathered his thoughts and opened his mouth “ _uh… Troy, he told me what happened… I want to help him but I don’t know how… can you, teach me?”_ The woman looked slightly interested _“he did? What happened?”_

_“We talked but he kept crying every few minutes, and I kinda hugged him”_ he caught the woman’s attention now, Nick might’ve been sexually assaulted too, touching people was a sensitive subject let alone hugging them and so far he’s touched Troy twice _“what made you hug him?”_ The younger one shrugged _“he seemed like he needed it”_ she agreed _“and how did it make you feel?”_ Nick rubbed the back of his head _“at first... it was okay? I was focused on making him feel better but then… it hit me but I guess it was okay because I’m the one who decided to touch him not the other way, but I’m not here for that”_

The woman nodded _“Troy’s a victim of extreme abuse, you should be careful with him, he has PTSD so far and maniacal episodes, he’s also very claustrophobic but those are primary diagnoses, are you planning on being his friend?”_ Nick slowly nodded _“I think you two can be good for each other, and it would be nice to see you with someone besides Gloria”_ not that she had anything against her but Gloria was one of those who didn’t want to get help, she would stay three more months then leave the institution and stick the first needle she sees into her arm.

_“So… how do I treat him?”_ the woman sighed _“well, as far as we know, hold him when he cries, don’t touch him when he blacks out, and don’t lock him in places, he’s still new and every person is different, he barely had two sessions”_ now usually therapists would keep information to themselves but in the institution they thoughts it’s more therapeutic if the patients knew what each is facing and build their own support community. 

He nodded, memorizing what she said, he already knew that distraction helps as well _“I… there’s something else, when I first saw him”_ his voice went lower, more uncertain if he should talk “ _what is it?_ ” he thought for a moment, he didn’t want to seem creepy, he just met the guy _“I… think I like him”_ he whispered, praying that the woman didn't hear it _“like, like him as a friend or?”_ he shook his head, she got _Oh_ out of her mouth, smiling a little _“well, I personally think it’s cute but that’s a guy who’s never been out of his house let alone date…”_ he nodded _“I know… I’m not suggesting that I’d do anything about it I’m just.. I don’t know”_ he sighed “ _I think you should act on it but pick the right time, and treat him right”_ he stayed quiet for a moment then got up, “ _thanks doc_ ” he mumbled before walking out, he had plenty to think about tonight.


	2. The Visitors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the two's bond was growing but it was visiting day, and nothing goes as planned for either of Troy or Nick, they learn few facts about their families and about themselves that affect their progress.

It’s been a week since Troy came to the institute, Nick didn’t keep track of the days but Troy was obsessed with putting numbers on everything, doing his own little experiments and science project which you bet Nick participated in, the crying was becoming less each day though, they had a little game, to time the crying episodes and find out what’s the most ridiculous thing that Troy had a breakdown about, the time he cried for two hours after seeing a bird on a tree is a fan favourite so far.

The two somehow made one another feel better, the closest they can be to normal, and they were inseparable besides Nick’s session with Gloria and their private sessions with their doctors, Dr Winston noticed how their bond grew so she made sure their schedules were made so neither of them was left alone, Troy’s behaviour therapy sessions were the same time as Nick’s recovering addicts, and they had their one on one sessions at the same time so they can hang out together after. 

It felt natural and easy for both of them to be around each other, like two kindred spirits found their way to one another, well, it usually is easy but today is visiting day, Nick’s on his nerves, so is Troy, they decided to wait for their names to be called at Troy’s room, it had a bigger window to comfort the blond, both sitting at armchairs across from on the opposite sides, Nick paced his legs nervously, which stressed Troy even more, he’d begged him to stop and Nick had to explain that he couldn’t control it, he needed to release his stress somehow.

Then it was time, the two slowly walked to the hall once their names were called, gulping Troy was the first to speak _“I don’t think I can do this”_ Nick turned to look at him confused _“it’ll be alright, it’s just your brother”_ but it was hard to believe his assurance when he, himself was concerned _“he’s not coming, he wants nothing to do with me”_ said stubbornly _“Nurse McCall called your name, it pretty much means he’s here”_ he patted his shoulder carefully _“then… he’s here to tell me that he wants nothing to do with me in_ _person_!” Nick laughed _“or…. He’s just checking on his little brother, he cared enough to drag your ass to a high-level institution to recover, I think you’ll be fine”_ Troy nodded even if he didn't believe him, his eyes wandered around the room until he spotted the figure of the well-known man.

He turned his attention to Nick who froze in the middle of the hall _“which ones are they?”_ the blond whispered, Nick just looked at a table where two women and a man sat, he already told him about the complicated family dynamic, how his mother was the reason why he started using in the first place, he also knows how hard it is for him to sit with her and pretend that what she did is okay _“Dr Miller said it’s okay if we don’t want to see our families sometimes”_ Troy commented, he’s known Nick as a nothing but a ray of sunshine in these past few days, seeing him like this was different, it bothered him _“Dr Miller didn’t have my mother, if I don’t go she’d tear this place down and drag me herself”_ he grumbled before turning to look at him _“good luck man”_ Troy offered a smile “ _same to you”_

The two parted, walking as if they were walking to their deaths, Troy took a seat across from Jake, his eyes avoiding his brother’s, Jake looked slightly hurt but he understood that his brother needed time _“hey, how are you holding up?”_ he spoke ever so quiet and calm, as the doctor advised, loud noises were triggers “ _good_ ” the younger one mumbled, the brunette sighed, obviously Troy wasn’t going to start talking, so instead he was going to initiate, the only problem is, they haven't been close for a while, he had no idea what he should talk to the younger one who appeared in a fragile state of mind. 

_“I… had an offer to sell the Ranch, Dr Miller thought I shouldn’t tell you this but it’s yours just like it’s mine, it’s a generous offer, I’m thinking about accepting it, it doesn’t feel right having it after what happened to you_ ” he paused, still no answer from his brother _“I thought we could split the money, well, not exactly, I was going to take 30% and the rest is all yours, I’d open my law firm where I can make sure I’d actually help people who deserve to be helped, tired of representing men like dad on daily bases, and I thought you can use the money to go back to school, buy a place of your own, travel the world, have your own business, whatever you want really”_ Troy looked at him surprised “ _you_ _came here to talk business?”_ his brother shook his head _“no, I came here to see how you’re doing”_

Troy opened his mouth to say something few times but nothing came out, he was certain that his brother was here to disown him for being such an embarrassment, this wasn't what he expected and now his brain can't seem to react well “ _the Ranch is all I have”_ he managed to say from the million thoughts that were running in his head, his brother reached out and held his hand _“not true Troy, you have me, and if you want to keep it then it’s your decision, it’s been yours more than it ever was mine”_ Jake wasn’t expecting this visit to turn into a business discussion but at least he got him talking “ _I_ -” he looked over at Nick’s table, seeing how he’d flinch whenever someone was close to him, he frowned, Nick rarely did that around him, he's always been the one to start the physical connection “ _Troy_?” his brother’s kind voice brought his attention back _“I’m sorry, can I think about it? I’ll have an answer by next visit I promise, that if you’d visit”_

His heart was racing, he expected him to get angry at him for not instantly knowing what to do, he expected him to tell him that he doesn’t want to see him anymore, so when Jake opened his mouth, Troy thought his heart was going to stop “ _Troy, I’ll be there, every visiting day, I’ll be there, I know it’s hard to believe it considering how I failed you but I’ll get it right this time, I’ll be the big brother you always needed and deserved”_ Troy was speechless for a minute or so, but he was getting more comfortable _“you… didn’t put me here to get rid of me?”_ Jake frowned, and gave his hand a gentle squeeze _“what? No! Why would you even think that?”_ he seemed hurt more than offended of how little his brother thought of him.

But seeing how he instantly closed his eyes reminded him that this isn’t about his feelings, it’s about Troy's, who was scared and confused, who was still learning how to be a person, he’s known nothing but violence and hatred those past few years so of course, the thoughts in his head weren’t gentle _“Troy… I put you here because you were having issues that I couldn’t help you with, like… that one time you didn’t understand that maths equation and I couldn’t help you with it so I talked to miss Stacy from my class to help you with it, it’s not because I don’t want you, or that I don’t love or care about you, it’s because I can’t give you the help you need right now”_ he explained softly.

_“It was a pretty basic equation though, I was just stupid_ ” the blond whispered, his brother chuckled _“you couldn’t solve a math equation that’s meant for high schoolers at the age of seven, that’s anything but stupid”_ Troy couldn’t help but smile a little, he remembered the look on Jake’s face that day and how he kept telling everyone that his baby brother was secretly a genius, what a genius he was, he barely finished primary school, and he was a big idiot like his parents always told him _“I still stand by it, you’re a genius kiddo, despite what dad used to say, you’ve always been the smart one”_ Jake offered him a smile, it was true, Troy was the one interested in science while Jake was a literature lover, they both were excellent at what they did but Big Otto had different plans for them

  
He’s the one who forced Jake to go law school, and he’s the one who decided Troy was needed at the Ranch more than the real world, Jake wanted to be a poet though, and Troy wanted to be a biologist, but no one cared about what they wanted “ _do you really think I can get a GED?”_ his voice so shy and low, he looked at his older brother with his big bright blue eyes, the other smiled and nodded _“of course! I think you’re a college material even”_ Troy finally cracked a smile, a genuine smile, sending his brother to relief “I can get you books if you want, you can study and take the exams, I think the institution has an educational program” Troy nodded.

The rest of the two hours went very smoothly, Troy told his brother about everything that happened in the past week, about how he became close friends with Nick so quickly and about all the activities they did together from timing his breakdowns to reading books together, he also told him about his doctors, and how they were helping him deal with his issues, his favourite was doctor Miller, he would make him feel normal, and tell him that he can still have whatever life he wanted, Jake was glad to see his brother doing so well, he made the right decision by bringing him here.

Sadly, things weren’t going as smooth with Nick, when he went to his family Madison was the first to greet him with open arms, he flinched and dodged her embrace unconsciously _“Mom! For the millionth time don’t touch Nick, he’s not comfortable with it!”_ Alicia complained immediately, Nick gave her a 'thank you' look, but Madison wasn’t quite happy _“oh give me a break, he’s been there for four months now! I thought that maybe he was getting better at something!”_ Alicia rolled her eyes at her commentary.

The four sat down, Alicia next to her brother, Madison and Travis on the other side, Alicia showed Nick pictures from last weekend when she went on a schools trip to Berkeley, she was in love with it, it was nice, he gave her few advises on how to secure a spot, after all, Nick agenda included going to college before things got out of control, now his only concern is to survive the day, they made fun of one of her current teachers who used to give them detention for no reason, it was sweet and refreshing but also it didn’t last for more than thirty minutes, Alicia had to go somewhere and Travis offered to drive her, leaving the poor guy alone with his mother despite all his puppy eyes attempts to make her stay.

_“So… when will we expect you to be out?_ ” Madison asked once they were alone, Nick shrugged _“dunno mom, they don’t exactly tell us”_ he replied almost instantly, too bad that the answer wasn’t what the blonde woman wanted to hear _“well that's bullshit! They don’t tell us anything, what kind of institution is that? I can’t even talk to your doctors!”_ fun thing about this place is that they never allowed parents and spouses near doctors so it doesn’t affect the doctor’s judgement unless it was for special sessions which were rare to happen, but since family is the first pillar of support, they’d send them an email every morning before visiting day to keep them updated on how their loved ones are doing.

But that wasn’t enough for Madison, she wanted more, she wanted someone who she can persuade to get her son out of the institution faster, she didn't care if he's ready or not, Nick was glad though, he wasn’t looking forwards for getting out “ _it’s taking them too long, you should be released by now, I want my baby back home”_ she added, Nick sucked in a breath _“they’re doing everything they can to help”_ he defended _“then they aren’t doing much, your state isn’t progressing! You’re on a loop, you know they’ll keep you here for a year at least just to start taking money from us? I’d rather have you home where I can keep an eye on you! there's nothing that they provide in here that I can't give you at home”_

Nick could name few things she can't give; support, friendships, safety, tranquillity, and many more, so he scoffed _“mom! The last time I was home you chased me with a hammer”_ his voice became slightly louder _“oh come on! I was just trying to scare you so you wouldn’t use again”_ he raised both eyebrows at her in disbelief _“I almost died! I almost died in a car accident! Do you know how terrifying it was? Do you have any idea how many nights I spent praying that I wouldn’t end up dying the same way dad did?”_ his voice was heavy and his eyes were filled with tears, but Madison she looked calm “ _I was worried you'd end up like him! do you have any idea how hard it is to watch you follow his footsteps? And the way you keep behaving is not helping! you do have a lot in common, I’ll give you that”_ she mumbled the last part underneath her breath, but it didn't prevent Nick from hearing it loud and clear.

_“Why are you here?”_ he asked her, she looked exasperated “ _what’s that supposed to mean? I’m here to see my son! bring him back with his family! Nick, I'm here for you! I love you, can't you see that?”_ Nick couldn’t help but laugh _“no you don’t, you’re here so you can go back to your friends at school and play the role of the mother whose son is so screwed up to get their pity and fake affection!”_ he slammed his hands to the table then got up _“sorry mom, I don't think I can do this anymore, not today”_ he told her but she grabbed his arm tightly, the man who was as frightened as a boy froze _“sit your ass down”_ his mother whispered, it was a familiar threat that would end up with him bruised if he didn't follow through, he felt as if he was out of breath, like the whole hall was able to hear how fast his heart was beating.

He yanked his arm and ran, Troy called after him although he kept telling him he needed to be alone, assure him he was fine, that he would meet him once Jake's visit is over, the taller one didn't want to push it, he still didn't really know how to handle Nick, seeing him like this was something new, something he didn't like, he gained a gaze from Madison that terrified him as he returned to his table with his brother It wasn’t long before Nick found himself sobbing and begging at Gloria’s door, the blonde woman looked at him with a smirk, she knew exactly why he was there, she's been waiting for this moment for a while now.


	3. The Mistakes

Nick’s been missing for two days, everyone was worried, Troy more than the rest, his only friend just disappeared without a word, he blamed himself for not following him, for wanting to enjoy that stupid moment with his brother where he felt like he wasn’t so fucked up, and now his best friend is missing! No! Nick wasn’t even his friend he was something more! The backbone that kept them both going and without him, he felt lost.

On the third day, they found him in the old generator room with needles all over his left arm, he had a weak pulse, the nurses instantly took him to the infirmary, Troy had found out from one of the nurses who while eavesdropping, something about a man with shaggy hair being found barely alive, he wasn’t even allowed to see him, but pleading and begging made Dr Winston's heart melt, she couldn't help but to agree on helping him, she kept him updated, she told him when he stabilized and she told him that he was resting for now but that only made his concern grow, he often found himself pacing or digging his nails too deep into his palm, habits that were picked from the said sick friend, he only calmed down when Dr Winston told him she’d let him go see him once realizing how bad this was affecting Troy.

Nick woke up frightened, he didn’t recognize his surroundings, and the restraints on his arms didn’t help, he tugged against them trying to set himself free but it was quite useless, panicked he cried for help, within minutes, two nurses were on top of him immediately, one he recognized “Nicholas Clark” he heard his name but he couldn’t focus on the concept of the sentence or the source of the saying.

“ _Nick_ ” the familiar nurse offered him a gentle smile _“Nick, it's okay you’re in the infirmary at BHI, I’m nurse Sarah, remember me?”_ Nick nodded, he tried to focus on how he knew her instead, from the time he tried to talk to Linda when she was angry and she ended up cutting a good wound on his arm, nurse Sarah was kind enough to patch him up, his breathing calmed, both nurses gave a smile “ _do you remember what happened?_ ” He shook his head, which hurt, his thoughts were disoriented, the last thing he remembers is the unicorn giving him a ring to give to Troy.

_“You relapsed, we found you in the generator room we belive you injected yourself with cocaine, do you remember who gave it to you? It’s very important”_ the woman spoke again, he remembers going to Gloria so it’s probably her but he wasn’t going to snitch! He remembers using it once in her room, it was supposed to be quick, he also remembers backing but the woman just grabbed his arm and the next thing he knows, he's here, he shook his head negatively, the woman nodded _“alright, if you remember anything let me know, doctor Anderson will be with you shortly but for now you can enjoy the company of your family”_ he looked puzzled “ _family_?” She nodded _“your parents and sister are here”_ the woman explained _“parent… my dad’s dead”_ He mumbled. 

The woman felt like an idiot, she picked up his chart and read it _“I’m sorry… it’s been a tiring day and-“, “it's okay”_ he interrupted, the woman recollected herself quickly “ _should I get them in or bring a friend from the institution? Or would you rather have alone time?”_ Nick definitely wanted the last one but he needed to explain to Alicia what happened and knowing Troy he’s probably crying and blaming it on himself _“Alicia and Troy”_ he whispered weakly, one of the two was kind enough to help him drink water before they sent his sister in, they both left later to give them privacy. 

_“Licia i-“, “you tried to kill yourself again, Nick! You almost died twice in the past four months! That I know of! Isn’t it enough that dad killed himself and now I have to relive it with you?!”_ The young one screamed, both a crying mess, they never spoke of how their dad left the world, he crashed himself into a tree willingly, he left a note **“I’m not strong enough to keep going”** as if it's supposed to make them feel any better, he killed himself and left them to deal with the aftermath.

_“I didn’t mean it”_ he said over and over again until it stopped making sense, to the point where it became just a wordless noise, Alicia watched her brother sorrowfully, she was unable to hug him, she wasn’t allowed to touch him, all she did was watch and pray that he’d calm down on his own, she dragged a chair and sat beside his bed, her hand on the restraints, it was the closest thing she’s ever had to touching him.

Minutes later Troy was brought, Alicia looked at the tall blond man with her now blue eyes in a sea of redness, wary “ _Nick_ ” he whispered, he rushed to him, he attempted to hold him, clueless that he shouldn’t, as far as he knows, Nick didn't mind him holding him “ _no! Don’t touch him!”_ Alicia yelled seconds before it was too late, making the taller one jump immediately and look at her frightened, he screwed up and he waited for her to be mad at him.

Nick didn’t calm down that night so he was induced to sleep by the nurses, Troy insisted he’d stay the night with him, they tried convincing him, dragging him even but the man's too stubborn, he told them about how Nick didn't leave him the first few nights when he first came and that he’d like to return the favour now, they gave up and decided to allow that since besides his breakdowns Troy was a module patient who followed the rules willingly and never caused any troubles.

_“I’m Alicia”_ the young woman said, her eyes focused on her brother _“Troy Otto”_ he mumbled “ _I’ve heard so much about you_ ” he added, Alicia turned to look at him “ _Same to you, I think my brother liked you”_ the man was beyond confused “ _liked_?” She nodded “ _if he’s trying to get himself killed I might as well get used to that, don’t wanna embarrass myself at the funeral again”_ unimpressed, Troy whispered angrily _“he’s not going to die”_

_“Then what do you call running straight in front of a car and overdosing?”_ Troy shrugged _“your mom was running after him with a hammer and I’m sure he’d have an explanation when he wakes up”_ she laughed _“Nick always has an explanation”_ the two of them remained quiet _“things were bad with your mom after you left, he got up and left, I tried to follow him but he swore he’d be okay”_ Troy whispered, he wasn’t sure why he was telling her that but he needed it out of his chest “ _not your fault, my brother is an addict and he relapsed… again, there’s nothing you could have done to help him or prevent that”_

Alicia stayed quiet after that, processing what Troy just said, of course, their mother is the reason why he relapsed, again, Alicia wondered if she was the reason their dad died too sometimes, Nick would joke about how their mother drove the man crazy until he killed himself _“I’m graduating in three months... I would’ve gone to Berkely after and got my own place and took him with me, maybe if I separated him from mom then he’d stay clean”_ she whispered, she wanted to caress his cheek, her hand made it halfway through each time before she retreated, Troy didn’t understand why no one was allowed to touch Nick though, he never told him. 

_“Why can’t we touch him?_ ” He asked as his curiosity was killing him _“the doctors said Nick reflects negatively to touches because they bring back unpleasant memories but I think he means it sends him back when he was abused and possibly raped”_ Troy looked terrified at the second word _“drugs ain't cheap, and I’ve seen mom drag him home half-naked many times but no one knows what truly went on, he doesn’t speak of it”_ she sighed “ _also, he prefers the term assaulted if you'd bring it up with him”_

Nick would often talk to Alicia about how his therapy sessions are going, he might’ve slipped once or twice that he had to do some awful things to get a quick fix, no details though, he’d quickly remember that he’s talking to his sister and change the subject, he was a crappy big brother but he also wasn’t going to subject his sister to the terribleness of the world and scare her about everything that happened to him, he’d try to shield her the best he can even if she was one of the struggling souls.

Troy and Alicia ended up falling asleep, Troy on his chair, and Alicia had her head near her brother’s hand, Nick didn’t wake up until the next morning, dazed and with a headache, he looked at his surroundings, it took him a minute to remember where he was and what went down, then another to recognize the two sleeping beauties enveloping him, he smiled faintly, slightly shifting, causing Alicia to wake up first, she rubbed her eyes “ _hey_ ” he said sheepishly, she stretched for a moment before turning her attention to him _“how are you feeling?”_ she asked, he shrugged _“dizzy but it’s only the beginning of the day”_ she offered him a little smile.

Troy was the next to wake up, his eyes shined like the lost puppy he was when he saw Nick smiling again, and he greeted him in a manner that reminded him of the happy, boy that he knows _“Nick… what happened? You were doing so good! You were going to be out of here by the time of my graduation! Why did you throw it all away?”_ Alicia whispered after a minute or so, her hand still on the restraint, which he didn't seem to mind, he took a deep breath _“look, I didn’t mean to disappoint you, it’s just-” he looked at Troy who gave him an encouraging nod “mom said few things and I just needed to feel numb for a bit, I ended up asking for a quick fix from a friend but it got out of control”_

Alicia nodded, she doesn’t understand how someone can throw their progress away like that but she appreciated the honesty _“you had a relapse”_ Troy mumbled, both turned to look at him, his eyes wide open and slightly nervous “ _Dr Miller told me that it’s okay to relapse, and when you do, you take a moment to collect yourself then try again_ ” the brunette sighed “ _I’ve been relapsing since eternity, I think even Dr Miller would’ve been bored of me”_ he muttered, gaining a gentle squeeze from Alicia “ _the first time I had a therapy session with him I ended up breaking down every five minutes, he continued to be my shrink, if he couldn’t get tired by me rumbling nonsense while sobbing I think he can handle few relapses here and there”_

Nick gave him a little smile, Alicia ended up convincing the nurses to loosen up his strains for a bit, promising that she and Troy would look after him after they had breakfast, seeing how they both struggled to get him to eat anything, she also found an old monopoly board and the three kept playing, Nick tried to convince Alicia to go to school but she insisted on staying, Matt wanted an excuse to have a sleepover anyway.

Later came Dr Anderson and talked to Nick about what happened, Alicia and Troy waited outside with the rest of his family, Madison eyeing the blond one suspiciously _“Madison Clark, this is my husband, Travis_ ” she finally said, Troy gulped _“Troy Otto”_ he mumbled, this woman is the reason why Nick kept relapsing, he wasn’t quite sure that it would be a good idea that he’d chat with her _“Otto? As in Jake Otto’s related?”_ the man she introduced as Travis asked, Troy nodded _“he’s my older brother”_ the man grinned _“your brother is amazing, he handed that big papers company their asses once they wanted to buy the natural reserve, even forced them to pay for the ones they cut illegally, he’s quite famous”_

Troy was amazed, he wasn’t expecting anyone to recognize his brother, so far, Jake seemed like the type of guy who preferred to stay away from the lights, but also he only had a chance to get to know him again last month and he spent most of the time dealing with their father’s side effects, so far Travis seemed nice, Nick had mentioned that he’s been a great aid in the whole process through the years, so he naturally offered him a smile.

Later, Dr Anderson left Nick’s room, all four of them greeted him with worried looks, he sighed “ _he wanted a minute for himself, Alicia and Troy can join him after, he’ll be taken back to the institution tomorrow, few changes would be made though”_ the blond sighed in relief, he wasn’t quite ready to be pushed away just yet “ _what kind of changes?”_ Troy asked, the entire Clark family had their full attention on him “ _well, for a starter we’ll have him paired up with a roommate, and we’ll have him re-evaluated, he said it wasn’t a suicide attempt but we just need to make sure, and Madison should skip the next few visiting days until further notice”_ the blonde woman wasn’t quite happy about it.

_“wait, what? I can’t go see my son now?”_ she protested, her voice went louder with each word, she wasn’t pleased, and the louder she got the more frightened Troy felt “ _not now, we think seeing him will only make his mental health worst, he needs to recover first”_ the doctor explained calmly, but Madison wasn’t having it " _Maddie_ " Travis whispered but she shook him off _“I have a right to see my son! I’m a school counsellor, I know that he’s well enough to see his mother! He’s just doing this to get on my nerves! that boy will be the death of me! I demand to see him now! Nick!”_

Troy was almost shaking, stressed, having too many flashbacks all at once, Alicia was the one who noticed _“mom stop! People are sick in here, some get triggered by your yelling!”_ she said dragging him away from the conversation, standing in the corner, she rubbed his arm as she tried to comfort him, and Troy was struggling not to break down or zone out _“I don't give a damn! If they worried about their patients they should let me go be with my son! He needs me!”_ Alicia rolled her eyes _“obsessed much?”_ she whispered to Troy, hoping to crack a smile or an eye-roll or whatever but the older stood almost frozen. 

Dr Anderson sighed _“look, Mrs Clark, if you walk into that door, Nick’s not alright, psychologically speaking, he’s at a very fragile state, we still don’t know for sure what happened and whether it was suicide or not, the last thing he needs is your kind of attitude, now you can go home and receive updates on your son’s state or you can keep yelling and watch me call the security to kick you out and take your name off the allowed visitors' list for good, my responsibility is to my patient, not to you, the choice is yours, now excuse me”_ he pushed through her “ _wait_!” Alicia’s voice called from behind.


	4. The Lovers

The man in a white coat turned to look at her direction, where Troy was shaking and struggling to catch a breath _“what happened?”_ he asked her, worried as ever she had an arm wrapped around him, it felt strange, if it was Nick, he would've been worst the moment she wrapped her arm around him, but with Troy, it was as if he's trying to calm down just for her.

_“I think he was triggered by the bickering”_ she replied, the doctor nodded, he took him away from the family for a good half an hour, when he calmed down he headed instantly to Nick’s room, where Alicia sat and talked to her brother, they seemed like a very happy family if Nick didn’t look like shit and Alicia didn’t have bags under her eyes from the past few days. 

_“Heard the news? I gotta pick a roommate!”_ Nick exclaimed the minute he saw Troy, the weak smile on his face disappeared once he noticed the red in his ocean blues, instantly knowing something isn’t right with his friend and secret crush “ _what’s wrong?”_ Troy looked at him confused, he expected that Alicia would’ve told him but apparently, she thought it wasn't her place.

_“Nothing, what’s that about picking a roommate? They’re actually letting you pick someone?”_ he deflected, hoping it’s enough to change the subject _“yeah… Troy what happened? Why were you crying? Did someone say something to you? did you have another episode?”_ he asked, sitting up, it was painful, difficult and Alicia had to help him halfway through.

The blond shook his head and took a seat _“it’s nothing Nicky, I just had a minor panic attack, that’s all”_ there was nothing minor about it, he’s still pretty shaken up but he was planning on getting distracted by meaningless chatter but clearly, Nick wasn’t in the mood for that _“a panic attack? You haven’t had those in a while!”_ the younger said, getting Troy to shift in his seat uncomfortably _“Nick, just let it go”_ his sister whispered, but Nick just reached his hand out for him to take.

Troy took his hand gratefully and earned a little squeeze _“I’m sorry about my mom”_ he mumbled, it was pretty obvious after a minute of thinking, only Madison Clark can set off someone like this and he already knows that Troy was waiting with his family _“Alicia told me they asked her to stop visiting for a while, I guess something good came out”_ he let out a bitter chuckle _“is it bad that I still think she’s better than my mom?”_ Troy whispered, the brunette smiled sadly at him and moved to the side.

The taller one took the hint and within seconds he was curled up next to him on the very uncomfortable hospital bed, Alicia protested and gained a laugh from both men, somehow they managed to make space for her too, Alicia couldn't believe it, her brother was holding her, in a way, that is major progress! 

So the poor guy was surrounded by them both, each laying on an arm, Troy joked about how he looked like Jesus _“how long you guys have been dating?”_ the youngest asked curiously, both looked as if they just got hit by a boat _“we’re not-”_ Nick began, then looked at Troy “ _unless_?” the blond froze, he never had anyone asking him to date before, he wasn’t sure how to react, not really _“do you?”_ he managed to let out, Nick shrugged, his sister lightly punched his arm, he sighed _“yes, yeah I really do”_

Troy went quiet for a couple of minutes, his brain felt as if it was on fire, _“you don’t have to though, I know you have plenty of shit going on, and you’re trying to figure yourself out and literally learn everything, you don’t need boyfriend drama, especially my drama, I mean, for fuck’s sake I managed to get drugs in here and overdose! Let alone my many problems and my family-”, “Nick”_ Troy interrupted, chuckling at how the brunette rumbled, Nick’s attention turned fully him _“I would love that, I know nothing of relationships though so you'll have to be patient”_ he whispered, Nick instantly nodded with the biggest grin anyone's ever seen “ _finally_!” Alicia sighed relieved, destroying any hope of a romantic moment _“and thank god I don’t take dating advice from you, you’re the worst at self-advertising!”_ she added, her brother rolled his eyes. 

The three seemed to enjoy one another’s company, they also made each other feel somehow normal which was good, they ended up falling asleep in that position until the very next day, by the time Nick woke up his arms were quite numb and Alicia was telling Troy embarrassing stories about the few shenanigans they did together when they were younger.

_“Kinda wish that you didn’t like me growing up, you know too much”_ Nick mumbled, his headache was still present but not as strong _“oh come on! The guy must know what he’s gotten into!”_ the young woman laughed, Troy as well _“did you really have an irrational fear of oranges?”_ Nick growled _“they were confusing Troy! No one knows if they’re named after the colour or vice versa!”_ he whined, they all shared a laugh _“you guys seemed like you had a great childhood”_ the blond whispered, his boyfriend of recently nodded _“we were inseparable, did you and Jake have that?”_ he shrugged _“Jake had a lot of things to do growing up and he’s five years older than me, we were close but not that way”_ he said sadly, now that he thinks about it, he had a very lonely childhood.

_“What was it like between you guys then?”_ Alicia asked, Nick shot a glare at her direction _“well, dad made him responsible for me… he looked after me as long as I can remember, but he had to help around the Ranch, ace school, help around the house, school me, he barely had time for playing, he left when I was 13 and never really came back, I saw him few times though, he visited like, once a year but that’s it”_ both siblings shared a look _“well, Nick and I are two years apart, he was a great brother until I came back home one time from the dentist and found him trying to steal my painkillers”_

_“Licia…”_ he looked at her apologetically but she shook it off _“it’s okay, I’m not mad, it’s just, it was the first time I find out about your drug issues, mom would always say that that you were just sick and you had to go away to get better but she never bothered to explain, and for so many years I was angry at you for being selfish and choosing the easy way out but then we came here and so many secrets were being revealed, if you told me earlier I would've been supportive, I would've been there for you, you didn't deserve to go through that alone but I understand, you were trying to protect me from the ugly truth like you always do, you're not a crappy brother, so... I guess I owe you an apology, for being so hard on you, and I'm sorry that I wasn't able to help”_ she told her big brother, who was on the verge of turning into a crying mess. 

_“I blamed you for the reason why our family’s so fucked after dad but mom’s put you through so much and you didn’t deserve that, so… I was thinking, when you get out of the institution, maybe you should… move in with me, Berkeley is far from home, and well, I still need my big brother and I still believe in you”_ thinking about the many nights Alicia had spent cleaning after her brother's puke and mess, he didn't deserve all the pain their mother put him through, and she didn't deserve to be in the middle of it.

Nick couldn’t hold back his tears, he was smiling too, Troy thought he was going mad but Nick explained that those were happy tears, he’s never thought Alicia would forgive him for what happened, so this was a huge deal for him, it took Troy a moment to comprehend, but the three ended up talking about nonsense for a good hour before a nurse came to the room, greeting them after laughing at how squeezed they were all in that tiny bed. 

Troy being the most uncomfortable since he’s the one who consumes most of the space _“so… Nick, we’ve been dosing you off slowly to get the substance out of your system until you’re well enough for phase two, you’ll be taken to our special wing where they’d help you get clean and have a psych evaluation, you’d be gone for a week at most, do you have any questions?”_

Both men looked quite frightened when she mentioned the week, Troy, afraid of being alone and Nick, not wanting to be locked up somewhere away from his boyfriend _“do I get visitors?”_ the nurse shook her head _“you lost that privilege for the next two weeks, not as a punishment but as a recovery”_ nervously he started picking on his lips _“have you picked a roommate yet?”_ Nick shook his head “ _me_ ” Troy said confidently, the nurse looked at Nick for confirmation _“are you sure?”_ troy nodded, so nick confirmed.

_“Family will get constant updates during those weeks, right?”_ the nurse checked her papers “ _how old are you?”_ Alicia frowned _“18 next month”_ the nurse sighed “ _then I fear until then we’ll only contact a Madison Clark”_ Alicia felt bumped “ _what about Troy? He’s his boyfriend”_ the woman gave then an **‘I knew it’** look and nodded _“if his therapist allows it then yes, anything else?”_ Alicia nodded _“is it okay if I visit Troy? I’m not family but I usually don't stay more than an hour anyway and we became good friends in the past two days”_ the nurse nodded _“you can talk about that with the receptionist and she’ll help you with that”_ she offered her a smile _“thank you_ ” Alicia put on a polite one in return _“if that’s all, Nurse Sarah will come and get you in 30 minutes”_

The woman left them to say their temporary goodbyes then another returned, taking Nick, Troy was a crying mess by the time he left, Alicia had to stick around for a bit to calm the poor guy down, it was a dramatic goodbye, very dramatic considering it's only for seven days and possibly less they eventually had to part, Alicia needed to catch up with her friends and Troy needed to clear some space for Nick.

The first week wasn't easy, Troy found out that they both liked the bed near the window, at first, it was a constant struggle, but eventually, they did some renovation and stuck both single beds into a big one for them both to lay on, Nick would sometimes cuddle Troy in his sleep, being the big spoon, it never failed to wake Troy with a smile the very next morning.

Troy was also a very tidy person, his room was so clean and everything was put neatly in the right place, while Nick was quite the opposite, that was a big adjustment for them as well, one time Troy found Nick's sock hanging from their bookshelf, he didn't say a word to his boyfriend but he requested an immediate session with his therapist, it involved ranting and crying.

The nights were the most difficult for them, they had to keep a fair distance, otherwise, Nick would wake up screaming, that's why it was a big deal when Troy wakes up the next day being held by the shorter man, and just because they kept their distance doesn't mean Troy won't be kicking, crying and sweating from a nightmare, it was a lot of work but the two found their way around it, slowly working out a living system that fitted them both.

Nick stopped talking to Gloria the moment he had moved in with Troy, he tried to avoid her, realizing she was an interesting person but she wasn't his friend, their friendship meant his doom, she'd only drag him down and he didn't want to relapse, he wanted to be clean, this time he meant it, he wanted to do it for Alicia and Troy, they deserved better, the blonde woman wasn't very happy about that but she kept her distance regardless.

_"I'm just saying, if I had the equipment, I'd turn this boring grey wall into something colourful, like Forest green with Raw silk, Medium pink, lemon yellow and peach!"_ the short one exclaimed, as they laid down on their bed staring at the wall in front of them, Troy scoffed _"it's grey, a formal colour that goes with everything, what do you have against it?"_ the one laying on his boyfriend's arm asked " _it's boring, I feel like it's sucking the life out of me"_ the other whined _"I don't know Nicky, dad used to say boring people are the ones who are always bored"_ he earned a playful punch on his side _"and how do you know all about colours anyways? isn't it a bit gay?_ "

Nick couldn't help but laugh at that statement _"you do realize we're dating right?"_ the blond one frowned " _so_?" Nick laughed and placed a little kiss on his cheek _"so we are gay, idiot!"_ it took a minute before that realization hit Troy, he was so shocked but both ended up laughing like hell _"but no seriously, it ain't, my dad worked as a painter for a while, used to take me with him, I learned few things"_ he replied and turned to look at Troy _"did you have fun memories of your family?"_ the one with blue eyes shrugged _"well, hunting with dad was fun, he'd be proud when I shoot something, would even praise me for it"_ he replied, the shaggy-haired one raised an eyebrow " _your most fun memory of your dad is killing a helpless animal?"_ he shouted.

Troy rolled his eyes _"hey you have your shit and I have mine!"_ they both agreed to disagree on the hunting matter _"mine was Christmas, most of the days, dad's depressed, unable to leave the bed or working to catch up with the days he missed, but on Christmas Eve, he'd get us something, sit with us, help us unwrap presents and I guess, be the spirit of the holiday"_ he mumbled, Troy felt sympathy towards him, he already misses the few good memories he had with his parents, he can only imagine how Nick feels, he had something, and now, well, things are different _"Christmas was never the same without him, I usually overdose and get sent to the hospital on Christmas, new traditions"_ he laughed bitterly.

" _this year, it'll be our first Christmas together..."_ troy stated _"you're planning on sticking that long?"_ Nick laughed, desperately trying to lighten up the mood _"ain't got anything better to do"_ Troy followed, pulling the blanket on top of them _"I'm just saying... maybe we can do something about it, maybe we can start our own traditions and make happy memories, my mom used to be the worst on Christmas, so my holiday ain't any better, we can share gifts, make pies, hunt turkeys, build a gingerbread house, I always wanted to do that, and just spend a night together"_ he suggested, his boyfriend smiled and nodded _"seems like a plan"_

they stared some more at the ugly grey wall, enjoying the tranquillity and the comfort that seems to appear whenever they're alone together, it was night time, everyone else was asleep, they had all the time in the world to enjoy each other's company, and they treasured every moment _"you're right"_ Troy whispered when his boyfriend was about to drift asleep _"it's a bit dull"_ he added.


	5. The low one

a month after Nick's relapse, the burnet was recovering as expected, determined on making it through, whileTroy was studying for his GED test, Jake brought him books, notebooks and pens, he’s been very serious about it, Nick would tease him whenever he wasn’t helping him, strange enough Troy knew everything about biology, he was excellent at creative writing but when it came to chemistry, maths and literature he was clueless, but he’s lucky enough that he had Nick, Alicia and Jake who were willing to help.

Nick was clean, he wasn’t even thinking about the drugs when he’s with Troy, they spent most of their time either reading in the garden together or in their new shared room, laying down and talking about whatever comes to their minds, they were comfortable with each other, very familiar, conversations came to them so easily. 

Nick stopped talking to Gloria after that day, he tried to avoid her or minimize the conversation as much as possible, not that he blamed her for what happened, running back to his old ways of numbing the pain was his decision no one else's and this time he was acknowledging his wrongs, Dr Winston said it's part of growth.

However, Gloria wasn’t quite happy about it, she claimed that she missed her friend, but a true friend wouldn't throw away three months of recovery and almost kill their friend by encouraging them to do drugs again while they know for certain how sobriety meant so much for them at that moment, for a change, Nick chose himself instead of the woman who he once considered a friend, but to her, her friend was stolen by a certain curly-hair blond with big blue eyes.

She had a plan, a revenge plan, she waited for the right moment to reveal and what's a better moment then when the two are the happiest, eating lunch, making plans for when they soon get out of this damned institution? The blonde woman smirked, this is her moment _"it's now or never Glo"_ she whispered to herself, calmly, she stood on the table and cleared her throat _“attention everyone!”_ she shouted grabbing everyone's attention, a phone in hand, it was forbidden to have cellphones in the institution outer contact can worsen the case.

Nick looked around for the nurses to notice her and do something about but they had their hands full with two patients who had a failed run at a suicide attempt, everyone looked at her with interest, Nick and Troy were among the curious faces _“This is... a very special occasion since we'll get to unravel the truth of a certain stranger who walked in one day and thought he had the right to steal everything from us, and oh my the things I've learned about him! please, enjoy watching the pathetic life of Troy Michael Otto”_

with a mischievous smirk, she pressed a button on her phone and then all of the TV screens were turned on, playing a video, Troy was horrified he instantly knew this can't be good, Nick was furious, worried, he had too many feelings rushing to him at once, but all he could do is watch. 

The video was of when they rescued Troy from the Ranch, some journalist thought it would be a good idea to film and post, it was footages of a very terrified Troy Otto, fighting the medics and the policemen as they dragged him out of the dark basement where he lived, shouting racist slurs everywhere, he managed to disarm a cop and threat everyone to leave, his gun pointed mainly at Jake as he thought of him as a stranger who came to steal his home and land just like his father had taught him.

Then gunshot was heard, and Troy rushed to the scene where his father was found with a bullet hole in the head, he had a mental breakdown which was captured on camera, his tragedy bare for the world to see, the only person he’s ever known was lying lifeless on the floor of their living room, his world went crumbling down in less than five minutes and no matter how hard Jake tried to reach for the weeping man but instead he was met with anger and despise, the frightened man wasn't aware of his surroundings, he didn't know exactly what was going on, he closed his eyes and pointed the gun to his head, attempting to follow the footsteps of his father if it wasn't for the policemen who disarmed him.

It was shameful and rather hard to watch, the video didn’t delete any of the graphic scenes, many threw up and others were extremely triggered, Gloria just watched them admiring her handiwork _“what the fuck Glo? Do you think this is funny or something?”_ it was Nick who shouted first, Gloria just smirked _"come on Nick, you saw how pathetic he is, now come back to me! we were happy before him!"_ he knew that she was bipolar and sometimes she had no control over her actions but that didn’t make him any less angry, he took a look at Troy who went quiet and started trembling in his spot, forced to relive everything again and seeing the way everyone looked at him like a freak, it didn’t hurt any less than the first time, he ended up running away from the cafeteria, Nick followed him.

He lost his track when he reached their room, it was empty but he was certain that Troy was there somewhere, it took him a good amount of ten minutes before he found him hiding in the dark small closet, the 6ft2 curled into himself, so small he barely fits, crying his eyes out, he sighed and joined him, talked to him but Troy never answered, he was so incoherent, and he was shaking so violently, it got worse, he knew that was beyond him, calling the nurses seemed the reasonable thing to do.  
  
In Troy's head, he was still living in the day where he lost everything thanks to a certain woman, in his head, the nurses were the policemen dragging him out of the basement, but this time, he was determined to set things right, this time, he fought the hardest he could, Nick watched him take down five nurses, the brunet with shaggy hair tried to calm him down but ended up injured himself as well, it took a whole staff of employees to tranquillize Troy who screamed and kicked until his eyelids were forced close by the medicines.

He woke up two days after, tried to move but the straps were preventing that, he was hooked to many wires and tubes, panicked, he kept shifting, trying to get out, Nick was sleeping next to him curled to the other side, he woke up and moved closer to him, not touching him nor getting too close _“hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re safe”_ he whispered softly, the first thing Troy noticed was the big bruise on his lips and the healing black eye “ _Nicky_ …” his voice cracked as he sobbed, he knew exactly what happened, he screwed up, he hurt him!

_“No, no… it’s okay tough guy, you’re good”_ he whispered soothingly, he reached a hand to caress his cheek but he hesitated too long that the comfort of it wasn’t an option anymore _“please, get me out of those restraints, I’ll be good! I promise!”_ he pleaded with his deep blue eyes filled with tears, funny how even at this state, Nick couldn't help but admire them _“Troy you know I can’t the nurses gotta do that, but I’ll go call them if you want? They’d be here in an hour or so anyways”_ he spoke, maybe if he talked too much then Troy wouldn’t ask him why he’s keeping a distance from him _“don’t leave me”_ the blond one begged again and Nick nodded _“not going anywhere”_

He could tell that his boyfriend’s body was begging for a gentle touch, one that he couldn't provide at the moment, it was pretty painful for the both of them _“I'm sorry, I didn’t mean it”_ he kept crying over and over again, Nick’s heart was shattering at his sight, he eventually gathered whatever courage he had and held his hand, giving it a little squeeze _“I know, you were just scared”_ Troy quickly nodded _“I thought- they were- I’m sorry”_ surprisingly Nick knew exactly what he meant _“I'm a failure!_ ” he wailed.

_“No babe, you’re not, it’s just a relapse, remember what you told me? About taking a minute and try again?”_ Nick sighed _“you’ll be okay I promise, but you must stop being so hard on yourself!”_ he continued “ _I hurt you_ ” Troy looked at him, crying even more, to Nick's surprise that it was a possible option “ _it’s… we’ll try not to make a habit of it but you didn’t mean to hurt me, that I know and I forgive you”_  
  
 _“You shouldn’t, I don’t deserve that”_ he muttered _“fuck, Troy! Give yourself a break, you weren’t even aware of your surroundings when it happened! It’s not like you meant to hurt me and the five other guys!”_ His eyes widened “ _Five_?!” Nick chuckled _“yeah… if I wasn’t worried I would’ve thought it was badass”_ Troy wished to disappear, filled with shame and self-hatred _“didn’t know you were on batman level”_ the older one looked confused, was his lover thinking what he did was badass?!

_“Wanna talk about it?”_ Troy shook his head no _“do I have a choice?”_ Nick smiled, flopping so he’s on his stomach _“you know me too well”_ the blond sniffled and nodded _“only if you tell me why you struggle with touching me”_ Nick’s smile faded immediately “ _Troy_ …” he begged but the blond was too stubborn _“it’s not fair that I have to talk about my shit and get exposed and I can’t get the simplest answers out of you, I have the right to know, I’m tired of not knowing why you flinch whenever I try to hold your hand or hug you! We’ve known each other for what? Two months now? You’ve only hugged me when I cried! And apparently, I can’t even get that at the moment!”_

_“I’m working on it_ ” nick guarded _“we’re all working on something”_ Troy sighed, turning his face to the other side, they both went quiet, avoiding all sorts of conversation, the nurse came later and undid Troy’s straps, took off the tubes and wires, then another walked in and did a full-body check to Nick, to make sure he didn’t steal his boyfriend’s morphine, Troy didn't need to see it to know that Nick was struggling with every touch, he heard the nurse explain to him exactly what would happen, where she'd put her hand or where the stethoscope would be precise, he was clear of drugs, but he was left even more vulnerable than when they came in first. 

Then they were alone again, Nick curled into himself on a side while Troy was on the other _“I had no money and I needed the drugs”_ Nick began, Troy shifted his attention to him _“I did… I had my body to pay for stuff though, BJs, sex, whatever needed to be done, I didn't mind the blowjobs though, even the sex for most of the time, but then… I started waking up in places I didn’t recognize with bruises I didn’t know how I got, and I just… I had no choice if I say no then someone would just slip me a pill or two, and when I’d call mom to pick me up she’d beat me first then beat me more back at home, and all those hands on me, uninvited, it was too much, I ended up being terrified of the slightest touch, I haven’t hugged Alicia in two years at least! No matter what I do, it never goes away, the feelings never go away”_

The brunette whispered, his voice breaking every bit, he didn’t dare to look at Troy, he didn’t dare to move, Troy place a pillow between them, placing his hand at one end, Nick looked confused but he placed his on the other _“you cuddled at night”_ Troy whispered, Nick smiled weakly _“guess it’s my subconscious shooting messages at us both”_ they both shared a laugh _“ and the other day you held me and Alicia, at the infirmary”_ Nick nodded “ _I have my moments”_

_“Thank you for sharing”_ Troy whispered _“is there anything I can d to help though?”_ Nick shrugged at his question _“just be patient? I know it’s a lot to ask… but I’m getting better at handling my shit”_ the blond one nodded, he noticed the changes in his behaviour in the past couple of months, he was getting better before Troy’s little breakdown “ _your_ _turn_?” he took a deep breath _“maybe… I forgot to mention that my dad had a militia on the Ranch and that I was kind of their leader… and maybe I forgot to mention that my dad killed himself in front of me as well”_ he whispered nervously.  
  
Nick gasped dramatically _“you know what? I think you might!”_ Troy laughed _“I didn’t kill anyone though, it was more to scare off strangers and protect the Ranch, but yeah, my body’s highly trained and my reflexes are quite uncontrollable, I broke Jake’s nose when I first got into his home after waking up from a nightmare”_ Nick winced _“thank god you’ve never done that when I wake you up”_ Troy smiled weakly _“Yeah… I was doing better”_ Nick nodded _“you’re talking as if it’s the end of the world, we’ll recover, we’ll be okay and we’ll get out of here! I owe you a real date and you gotta get your GED and go to college”_

Troy smiled a little at the thought of him having a future, a future with Nick of all people _“I think I lost my GED privileges once I hit five nurses”_ he whispered gloomily _“almost, but then I snitched and I got it back for you but they said you’ll have more therapy to do now which doesn’t suck that much?”_ the older looked at him amazed, he’d lean in and kiss him if he didn’t know for sure that Nick wouldn’t appreciate the touch right now _“did I win the boyfriends’ jackpot or something?”_ the brunette laughed “ _not even close!”_

“ _Nicky_?” troy’s voice seemed softer than usual, sweet and low “ _yeah babe?”_ he said laying down on the bed, his face turned at him _“what are we going to do?”_ the younger one smiled softly and touched his hand with his fingertips _“well, now? We lay down and get some rest, tomorrow we survive… in the future? Whatever the hell we want”_

**Bonus** ;  
 _Jake and Alicia finally arrived at the apartments building, a middle ground as they chose it, to Jake’s new workplace and Alicia’s college_ “which floor again?” _Alicia asked the older man “_ fourth, we’re checking 4D and 4C” _the man said while texting on his phone, they hit the elevator's button and waited patiently, Alicia the first to storm off once it stopped at the fourth floor, she noticed how the two apartments were on the opposite of each other, knowing Troy and Nick, they’d be glad of how close they would be._

_She checked 4C first, then 4D, the second was bigger than the first, but the first one had the amazing view, so naturally, her and Nick would take 4C, Nick cares about the view more than space anyways, and she already could see how difficult it would be for Troy to be cooped in small spaces, Jake had told her how he’d only sleep next to the window at his old apartment, having their brothers locked in the same institution made the two bond and become friends, sharing family stories and such “_ do you think they’d like it?” _Jake asked as they met in the middle, Alicia nodded “_ Troy would enjoy the balcony in the master bedroom in 4D, it makes the place feel vast” _Jake agreed._

“There are plenty of repairs to be made though, if we agree on taking them I’ll have a contractor working on making those two babies habitable and add security systems” _she nodded_ “I can hook us up with one of dad’s old friends” _he smiled_ “so… we have a deal?” _Alicia grinned “_ I can’t wait to show this to them once they get out!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is the last part of this little work which I wrote instead of sleeping, I'm working on a second one that will speak of how the Ottos and the Clarks would handle relationships and apocalyptic events which might come out soon, I hope y'all enjoyed it and special thank you for everyone who read it and left Kudos/comments, you're the best! See you soon!


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